Wow! Can you believe it? We are already in May of 2006! The year flies by and, most of the time, I feel that I am scarcely aware of it.
Often, I find myself caught in a vicious cycle of wild inspiration that is quickly followed by depressive procrastination. Then something or someone will "kick-start" me, and I am off again on the inspiration then procrastination cycle. Frankly, it's maddening.
The latest victim of that vicious cycle is "Conclave". "Conclave" is the second novel I am trying to get on to paper. The first one, "Murder by Design", has been unofficially relegated to the "I will finish it later" pile. Whenever I meet up with friends and wind up brainstorming on the story, I get really motivated and may even sit down for a session to write enthusiastically. Soon after, however, procrastination sets in. I wrote previously that it is almost like a fear. Stage fright. It's nothing short of absurd and frustrating!
Then, as these things often happen, I had an epiphany yesterday... I have a problem with Expectations Management. Most of the frustrations that I subject myself to are due to the fact that I set myself up with very high expectations, and so I am disappointed when those high expectations don't pan out.
The worst part is that, more often than not, I ruin a perfectly good outcome... one that I should have celebrated... by getting frustrated and disillusioned because an unrealistic expectation was not met! Writing is not my primary responsability. It's not even on my top ten! It is a hobby. Something that I like to do when I have the time to be creative. So, instead of looking forward to those times and cherishing when I do get the opportunity... I scowl, and hem and haw, because I "don't have the time". It's like complaining about not getting cheescake for dinner. Cheescake is not a dinner food! It was never meant to be! Just be happy that you get it for dessert! Enjoy it then!
Maybe if I start to have realistic expectations, then when I am inspired, I won't be tempted to procrastinate and just enjoy the inspiration!
Powered By Qumana